Day 2: Face/Unfucked

It is gray as FATHER TIME’S BALLS outside.

Last night I did the UFYH unfuck tomorrow morning routine: put out my clothes (second day doing this, I haven’t managed that since like 6th grade) charge up electronics, put toilet cleaner in the bowls (all THREE bathrooms!) wash dishes in sink, wash face. (I’ll admit it, I am super bad about washing my face before bed. It’s gross and I’m lazy. I have no excuse, it’s not like my mama didn’t teach me better. One of the many ways I suck at Stereotypical Femininity, also Basic Life.)


Up at 9:15. Not so great given the goal was to wake up earlier than yesterday, PRETTY AWESOME given my usual schedule. Hit the snooze a couple of times, as the alarm was set for 8:30. I’m using Sleep Cycle as an alarm clock and it works pretty spectacularly—senses the depth of your sleep and wakes you in the lightest phase. Still, MORNINGS ARE THE DEVIL’S WORK. Sometimes I wake up and actually say NO NO NO NO to like the world or something. Wretched plea to not face anything ever.

It took FOREVAH to put on my bit of makeup this morning because somebody asked if I’d post process photos to make the Unfuck Makeup routine clearer.

YOU GUYS. It is super hard to take pictures of yourself while putting on make up.

But I hope I managed it ok. No bones broken. I did one eye all at once so you can see the difference, which is a little like the old emoticon: o.0 One eye open! One eye bleary!


Not actual Face of Me. You’re not, though. The response yesterday really showed me how fucked up we all are. PARTY AT MY HOUSE.






That’s Hustle in the Urban Decay Naked Palette. Because EVERY DAY I’M HUSTLIN. Also, just to show you what a bit of shadow looks like. You don’t need it.


One (left) eye done.                                          Both eyes done plus lip gloss.

See how it doesn’t really look like I’m wearing any makeup except on the lips? THAT’S ON PURPOSE.

Hopefully that makes it clearer.

ADD Girl, one of the lesser known superheroes, managed to forget to take her meds til halfway through this entry, so I’m still feeling a little overwhelmed by Day-ness. Kedgeree from yesterday’s SMARTY BATCH COOKING and coffee for B-fast. Maybe that will help. We’re going to New Hampshire for a concert tonight, and bringing guests home with us. So today I need to:

  • Post for my guest blogging gig
  • Write my 1000 words
  • Eat
  • Put pictures back on wall post Xmas Unfuckening
  • Put the towel racks up that we bought a year ago.
  • Clean up outside now that the snow has melted.


Come on, chica. Get your tits on.


The Long, Slow Unfuckening of My Writing

I did something really scary today.

I only wrote 1400 words.

Ok, that’s a lot, right? I know, intellectually, that it’s a lot by any standard. But for me, it feels like failure.

What I usually do is procrastinate LIKE A MACHINE DESIGNED TO DO NOTHING and then finish a whole project in a day or a week or a month depending on the length. If I sit down to write I’m going to WRITE THE SHIT OUT OF THINGS. And then fall apart and hide form myself. I have done this literally my whole working life, and that includes grad school and let’s be BOLD AND UNFLINCHING here, undergrad and high school too. This is me and every deadline I’ve ever had:

I have no idea how to just do a little bit every day.

I know this is partly my ADD issues, but partly it’s just that like many of the things I’m trying to deal with here, I was either never taught the skill or I didn’t pay any damn attention when everyone else ever learned it.

In my head, I understand that if I wrote 1000 words a day, I’d have a novel in three months. And not be physically and mentally broken. But I panic at the thought of it, like it’s just TOO MUCH to stick to that, it’s so much EASIER to write 100,000 words in 4 weeks. After all, that’s how I’ve always done it. I have to be a superhero or I’m worthless, isn’t that obvious? I have to do it all at once!

But I’m not a kid anymore and I can’t keep whipping myself into exhaustion like I’m some kind of ELDRITCH DEMON PONY.

I know that. And yet.

Stopping in the middle of a story I could finish because I’d written 1000 words of it and that was my limit for today felt gut-wrenching. It does not feel like victory. It feels like I’m a slacker and a loser. I wrote 450 words of a blog post for tomorrow, and the first paragraph of a new book—which is a small bit of progress, too, as I only got hit with the idea train on Sunday and am biting while the hook looks irresistible rather than waiting until two years from now when I’m done with snuggling it before I even write a proposal. I have done this. With every book. You guys don’t even know. It seems like they come out so fast. But I do horrible things to myself over and over behind the curtain.

So this is my plan, which is going to be brutally hard for me. I am trying to commit to it. Every day, write not less than 1000 but not more than 3000 words, not including blog posts. Am allowed to take weekends off. I want to say I can take other days off when I’m caught up, but there is no catching up in this industry. DO IT. 1000 words ain’t nothing. I gotta pace myself before I break myself, aw yeah. MODERATION IS GANGSTA I SWEARS.

I’m scared.


Unfucking My Makeup

Quick run down of this, as I’ve already been asked for my face-recipe. I am trying to do this most days, because a. I bought all this shit, might as well use it  and b. it seriously makes me feel prepared and not like a loser whose major fashion dilemma is whether to go with the moose pajamas or the robot pajamas today.

I mean, I hate the patriarchy, too! But makeup is war paint and you don’t go into the shit without your stripes on, you know? I need all the help I can get when it comes to feeling Capable and Go Time.

This is what my friend Cyl taught me. It is a Straight Girl Skill I never picked up, really. (Unsurprising!) I’m ok with makeup, but only so far as HOT DRAMATIC BITCH TAKEDOWN stuff. PUT IT ON MY FACE AND STAND BACK.

I can’t do the casual, I look nice and awake today face. Tell me to do that thing where it doesn’t look like you’re wearing makeup but you actually are, that thing that boys mean when they say they don’t like a girl who wears makeup, ie, you’d better look as good as makeup can manage, but since they know fuckall about makeup, they think factory-issue eyelids come perfectly lined, and I’m all:

Except I can do this thing now! Where it’s just How I Look, but the most rested and vivd version of that. Cyl calls it 60 second makeup, but it takes me about 3 minutes. 3 minutes! That’s nothing but a thing given how long I spend, say, fucking around wishing my webcomics would update more often.

Here it is:

Erase Paste under the eyes and anywhere I look red—I have mild roseacea so I slap it on my cheeks a little too.

Urban Decay Candlelight Eyelid Primer all over eyelids and up to the brow. You do not need any more eye color than this! It is mystical! If you feel like it you can brush some other neutral shade on there for depth if you have shallow eyes or want a slightly more made-up face. Get a soft brush and very little shadow, then do a window wiper motion in the crease of your eye and a little higher up, then use another soft brush with no powder on it to blend out.

Soft Eyebrow Pencil—I use a dark brown loose powder with an angled brush. you can also swipe an angled brush over the tip of your pencil. Darken eyebrows slightly: no Joan Crawford! SUBTLETY, MY PRECIOUS.

Then take the same angled brush and pencil or powder and push it into the edge of your eyelid where your lashes start. Just push in a gentle line, don’t draw a line. Stop halfway across unless you’re very pale, you don’t need more than that.


Softly colored/tinted lip gloss. I live in Maine. In the winter it is DRY LIKE DEATH. So I have to use something on my mouth every day or I turn into the Mummy. I’m using Falling Leaves from Morgana Cryptoria which Cyl got me and it it the most perfect lip shade ever for me. I haven’t used another one since I got it.


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